Squall

No one knows why the wind blows. He’s as old as time. He has no home. He never sleeps. He never rests. He simply goes wherever his nature takes him. This is probably why he always has an attitude.  His name is Squall. Squall is a mean ole man. His farts are despicable. The smell of his burps will piss you off. To which he will whisper, “It’s better than being pissed on.” And his breath? His breath exposes the disgusting rottenness of his teeth. 

There is a tale that one day, mean ole Squall was having a horrible day, so He searched the lake for someone to suffer with him. He found a small, 20-foot boat with about 13 guys headed to the other side. The guys, having sighted the shore a little far off, took turns, four at a time, manning the oars.  All of a sudden Squall descended upon the little men. “I’m going to snatch their breath from their lungs!” Squall began his sinister decent, licking the waves, causing the 20-footer to soar to the heights of mountains - mountains high on a lake. Their hearts dropped to their stomachs causing the fishermen to be nauseous. He grew mad and howled longer and louder. When he seemed to have succeeded in terrorizing all of the men except one who was literally sound asleep in the stern, Squall came down like a hammer on a nail. The men stumbled, drunk with fear, to the back of the boat to wake the man. He was thoroughly annoyed. So, He calmly walked to bow and said SHET UP! His voice had such authority that Squall bowed low and was immediately reduced to nothing.

I wish dreams just fell out of the sky. But not even the King of kings did that. I’m sure the Israelites wanted him to make a stratospheric entrance into Jerusalem that caused the immediate death by laser of their oppressors. Nope. He was born as a baby, who had to grow into a man, who had to die then resurrect. Low and behold THIS was how our dreams begin. No! I don’t like it. But the Truth is every dream journey that God sets in play has conflict; an incident that feels like failure or even death before it ever becomes the reality.  You think you’re exempt? Nope! Jesus didn’t only die for your sins. He died to show you HOW to die. 

Sin, that 3-Lettered curse word that didn’t even make it to a four-lettered one; our journey is riddled with it. Sin is so much more than smoking, screwing and hanging with those who do. It is anything, I mean anything that prevents God’s dream from becoming a reality in your life. Of course unrepentant unlawful, unethical, and immoral acts can disqualify you from the reality of God’s dreams too. However, more important, so can a bad response to what life may bring. Like getting average grades in Spelman, or a horrible review by a professional editor. These events caused me to be much more than timid about letting people read what I write. So much so that it took me 15 years to release this art form. Or the typical constant sly accusations that come in the form of questions from my mother. Those crippling remarks caused me to be insecure about everything I do. Or those days when I was jilted by my big sister, both brothers, best friends, favorite cousins and disciples. They left the ministry and my life for their own self-justified reasons causing me to lean on the hope that marriage could save me from the fear of abandonment. Only to find out in 7 months and 2 days that it was a lie and not even marriage could save me from neglect. But contrary to what the humanistic optimists believe, I was born into a friendship with Squall. Yep. Squall, that personality otherwise known as fear. He’s the big 12 sandwich eating witch with a capital “B” who preaches in first person. 

Upon the discovery of my existence my relationship with fear was also conceived. Stillborn twins preceded me. And in that moment of the knowledge of my conception my mother was afraid for my life. Ignorantly, for 9 months she nurtured me with a hefty diet of fright. And for these 42 years it has been my kryptonite. That is to say, I am a Super Woman and I have a mortal weakness - my friendship with Squall. The challenge is I’m ashamed of my relationship with Squall because I have been cheating on my relationship with Love. So, it’s a gross abomination to be afraid. (1 John 4:18) Therefore, as long as I protect my relationship with Squall I am controlled by him because God won’t free me from my friends, only my enemies. 

My Mom, one of my best friends, taught me that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. I interpret this to mean that the opposite of what I am afraid is actually true. So as the painful facts of my life slam into the absolute Truth I have a difficult decision to make. React to the facts or respond to the Truth. I can woman up or punk out. I can succumb to fear’s emotional terrorism or wield my sword to divorce and behead my enemy. This is what it means to hide the Word inside my heart so that there’s nothing between Love and I. (Ps. 119:11) When I am tempted to be afraid I must decide to believe that I actually have the pen of a ready-writer and will therefore see my name in lights because of it. (Ps 45:1; Gen. 12:1-3). And if I hate correction I’m super qualified to be a fool. (Prov. 12:1) And since Jesus will never leave me nor forsake me I am NEVER alone. (Deut 31:6). Therefore, if I fail, it’s my own dumb fault and I rob God of the opportunity to shine in my life regardless of my plight. I rob myself of the miracle of the reality of my dream - TUH! Iaintgonebeabletodoit! I won’t let him get me! As long as I stay in the boat with the one whose very sleep is undisturbed, especially in a storm, I know I’ll reach the other side. 

What about you? What Squall is keeping you from the other side?