butNaked in Dubai

I’M IN DUBAI! Before I left, I had a conversation with a guy that I met on Bumble. (a free dating app that supposedly gives women the initiating power) I truly hope that he’s not offended, nor annoyed by this post. Don’t think he will be. But our first conversation intrigued me. (love it when a dude can make me think) Let me give a few disclaimers for the haters or wonderers. My spiritual authorities know that I’m on this sight.  I inform them of every viable conversation that starts and I keep no secrets.  My profile is fit to ward off those who are not serious about the Lord and/or meeting to build intentionally for marriage. I think online dating, of which I have had no real luck yet, is an interesting way to meet guys. But it must not take the place of what it takes to build a true relationship.  I think that it’s the perfect time to be as shallow as you want.  Sometimes I decide if his lips are kissable. The free sights are built to allow you to choose solely on looks and maybe a quick review of likes, dislikes, hobbies, favorite statements and, my personal favorite, their height – which isn’t as important to me.

I met this guy. I chose to swipe right because he was cute. He has a daughter with whom he obviously loves and is consistently involved. I liked that he gave me several different looks – a smile, a suit, a casual day and my favorite is the one in the hat. In this app you must respond within 24 hours or the profile is no longer available for conversation.  This is good for me, because I have to make a decision quickly.  It’s cool because I get the chance to practice small talk – which I feel really weird at doing. This guy responded in the allotted time. However, the texting was a bit slow in terms of response time – for whatever reason. After about a week and a half he texted his number and I gave him mine.  We texted outside of the app for about a week. I appreciate him for this slow movement as I am not as comfortable with new people. My friends don’t believe me when I say that I’m an introvert. And maybe that has to do with my job – I speak publicly and teach for a living.  However, building friendships and relationships take much more concentration for me. And maybe I’m just in my head too much.  I almost feel autistic in that it feels foreign and I don’t really know how to small talk. Anyway. I appreciate that he gave me the time to warm up to a conversation. So by the time he called, I was excited to talk.  He called on Monday night while I was in Connection Group, to which I replied through texted to inform him. But, I had hope that he’d call back because I’m the quintessential lady who expects initiation. On Tuesday I texted him that I would be in the Connection Group that I lead. I didn’t want to miss him again. Wednesday I didn’t hear from him. And on Thursday, he called while I was at the Travis Green concert. (smh) I texted him not to give up on me. He left a sweet message about a dream to actually talk to me. It made me smile. So, I decided to call him on Friday.

When we talked on Friday, I was pleasantly surprised.  He has a nice voice.  He had finished a task for his daughter, and we talked for a bit. It was a simple conversation about life and being busy.  I informed him that my birthday was on Tuesday and that I was going to have dinner with my girlfriends, then Wednesday dinner with my family and Thursday I’d be leaving for Dubai. His response, was what I felt, was a hasty generalizations about 30-40 year old females who want to have children being too busy for relationships. He said something about us doing it wrong. At first, I was put off to be lumped in a category of women and he didn’t know me like that. And I was tempted to be the cantankerously combative intellectual or I could listen. Like what did he expect? You want me to sit around a twiddle my thumbs while I wait for a man to be interested to enough to spend time to get to know me? I get that this week I’ve been busy and I’ve been planning my birthday trip for a while year. But sir(s), I’m 42, without children. And I have a wonderful life. Let me say that I’m still interested in getting to know him, but how much should I slow down while I wait on a good guy to decide if I’m dating/marrying material? It’s my dream to fall in love with my best friend and marry him. It’s my dream to build a family and a life together with him. And I know that is going to take time and intentional effort from the both of us. But, I don’t have that now. All I have is faith in my knower that God will grant my dream. Til then I’m on the journey of living my life as copiously as I can. I’m on the road to add value to myself with experiences and adventures that have made my life interesting. (And I did call you back! LOL)

My way of waiting is not to get so distracted by the destination that I forget to enjoy the journey. When you want something so badly, so desperately it can become a god. And you spend your time worshipping the dream, which makes it easy to forget the Dream Giver. That’s how I spent most of my 30’s – waiting around for some wonderful guy to experience life with. And time passed me by. Opportunities passed me over. Adventure left without me.  When I turned 40, I said forget this! I’m not spending another day late, sick, tired nor annoyed by this man who I still hope to build a life with.  Til then, gonna live!

But, I have a question for you guys. What do you want? You’re in your late 30’s-40’s. You’re not married and you want to be.  You may have children or not. Do you want a homebody who sits and waits for you to get home? Is settling down to you a metaphor for buying a lazy boy to wear out? What do you expect from a woman who has a life, degrees, maybe children or not? And I guess I’m answering my own question.  I guess it depends on what you want and that is very relevant and relative.

The guy that is fortunate to win my heart will be up for an adventure. And of course we will have to spend time deciding what we want our lives together to be.  But, I’m not the sit at home and wait type of woman. I’ve still got a lot of life to live in me. I want to give chase. And I get that I have to be catchable. Remember, it’s my dream to be caught. So don’t give up so easily guys. There are some wonderful women who are looking to be found. You just gotta put your running shoes on. What’s that adage about things worth fighting for? I promise I’m worth the chase. Til then, I’m in Dubai for my birthday!

I’m Tifiny and iambutNaked in Dubai…

Tifiny Johnson