Where You Left Off

Sometime before the afternoon of Friday, May 24th my Uncle Ricky died. Although we knew that if the Lord didn’t intervene that he would pass soon, this was a deep loss to my whole family. Death seems to come at the most inconvenient of times. It’s such a disruption to life as we know it. As I’m well aware that my cousins and my aunt feel the greatest brunt of this loss, I didn’t know that it would rock me like this. I can’t bear to even think about what’s going on in their hearts. Although I am sensitive, I’m not a highly emotional person. I often feel like grief is a very personal, unexplainable emotion on which there is no place on the proverbial shelf. Given an appropriate amount of time and no self-harm, I don’t believe there is a bad way to grieve. That said, I haven’t been sleeping very well, I have almost no appetite and I’m tired in my soul. I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING – let alone show up for a meeting of which I am NOW in. They say grief is an assassin. But, I will not be got. So, I write…

Besides the overwhelming emotion of missing my Uncle, knowing that I won’t be able to hear his voice or his music, or see his smile, or kiss his face or hold his hands that are exactly like my father’s; I was in the middle of building MOMENTUM. I feel sucker punched! Like I got the wind knocked out of me. Kinda feeling like my life has come to an abrupt HALT and I have no way to brace myself.

My family came in town and now they are leaving one by one, and I’m keeping my cousins on my nurturing radar. But, today it all converged upon me. And I feel abandoned with the devastating emotion of WHAT NOW?!?

Well, a post is due. What do I write?

Immediately my faithful Lord reminds me of Peter. In a snapshot I got a whiff of Peter’s journey. When Jesus called him it was at a fish-fry. Peter quickly moved up the ranks to being one of the closest to Jesus. He was the first to jump out of the boat to see if the molecular structure of liquid would shape-shift for him – which it actually did. Whenever Jesus went to be alone, Peter was one of the ones whom Jesus kept close. Peter was the one who heard from the Holy Spirit and revealed the very Divine nature of the man. He promised that he’d die for Him and would never allow Jesus to die – to which Jesus called him the devil. So, when Jesus died and all of Peter’s hope was locked behind the tomb with Him, Peter MUST have been beyond devastated. 3 whole days go by, Peter goes back to what’s familiar – being a fisherman. Jesus shows up and what does He do? He has a fish-fry and Peter was challenged to pick up where he left off. When he accepted his call, in that very moment there was one of the GREATEST CATCHES EVER- 3,000 people, several nations, men and women said Yes and became citizens of the Kingdom of God.

So what am I saying? When we are building MOMENTUM and disruption comes to bust you in the throat, once you recover all you have to do is: Pick Up Where You Left Off…

 

I am Tifiny and iambutNaked…

 

Tifiny Johnson